vaelkyrie:

thebadpunqueen:

michaelaisradashell:

the expression “i cant say that with a straight face” comes from the fact that straight people have no sense of humour and cant tell jokes

um can you not?

are you straight because I’m sensing a lack of sense of humor
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  • 49 minutes ago
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roughness:

tune in tonight for another episode of “is he cute or just tall? am I lowering my standards out of desperation? am I doomed to roam the earth as a lonely, unloved wretch for eternity? would I fuck a 30 year old? would I fuck a broke 30 year old?”

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  • 50 minutes ago
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blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

blxckbiird:

spaghetti-western-wannabe:

So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.

nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND

FLOOR IT?

NICK NO

HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

NICK P L E A S E

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  • 51 minutes ago
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